Parenting-Be a Model For Your Child
Children always learn from what they
see and not what they are told. It we want the child to become a good
citizen, and then we should show it by our deeds. Parents often quarrel
and argue in front of the child. Every argument ends up with each
parent’s that he or she is right. The child gets hurt in the process and
learns to have it his or her way all the time. The more the child is not
able to empathize with others, the greater is its lack of adjustment.
What every child wants from its
parents is love
In reality there are no parents who do
not love their children. However, unfortunately, children get a
different message from their parents mainly because most people do not
know what love is. In my earlier article on “Making Relationships Work’,
I had mentioned that we mistake manipulation, control and pretend to
represent healthy relationship. Love is signified by showing
unconditional positive regard to a person but the more we love someone
the greater are our conditions and expectations. Each time we
communicate to the children what our expectations are about them, the
more they feel that they are not being loved.
Most parents reject the child rather
than the deed
When you reject your child, he or she
in turn will reject you. We are concerned about making our children
perfect. This concern is so much that we undermine the child’s
performance or achievement. We tend to criticize the child rather than
what the child has actually done. A constant practice of trying to
communicate the acceptance of the child but pointing only the mistake
will yield beneficial results.
Learn to be happy
Rather than telling the child to be
happy and contented, we should first learn to be happy. The child learns
from observing us. The more we are dissatisfied, the greater is the
child’s dissatisfaction. We tend to become frustrated about things
around us but tell the children to mind their own business. Instead,
show them what happiness is all about.
You do not pull a plant make it grow
A child should be cared the same way
we take care of a plant. We can’t tell the plant to grow in the
direction we want and to the height we want. If we keep pulling the
plant, it rarely can grow. Our job is to provide the plant with water,
sunlight, manure and whatever else it needs and wait for it to grow. In
addition, we should not provide these in excess, too. Similarly,
children need a healthy arid nourishing environment to grow. In our
hurry to plan for their success, we forget that we are dealing with
dynamic individuals who have a mind of their own.
Nature and nurture
Limitations to ones growth are set by
not only ones heredity but also by the environment. Before setting goals
to the children we should evaluate how much they are capable of. All
those who can run will not possibly participate in Olympics. Getting
marks in the examination and scoring high are not the only achievements
in life. However, parents are contended when children do well in
academics. They rarely look for providing variety of inputs to the child
so that he or she becomes successful person with their innate potential
and talent.
What you take out is proportional to
what you put in
Enrichment in inputs is the only
answer to a child’s moral, social, intellectual and emotional
development. Consider the following situation. A parent finds the best
engineering college in the city and admits his son to study the course.
He spends a lot of money to get admission Expenses mount every month for
the hostel fees, clothes, books, and other things. After a year he finds
out that his only son has become a drug addict and is unwilling to
pursue studies. What went wrong? Not even once did the parent ask his
son whether he wanted to study engineering. The more money the father
spent the more was the son’s hatred towards his father as the only
communication that existed between the father and son was about how much
the education is costing. Parents should invest money rather than spend
money for educating their children.
Unrealistic expectations kill
development
Expectations should be realistic,
achievable and concrete. Once children decide that they cannot keep up
to the expectations of parents, they start avoiding the situation or
task. To justify their avoidance, they may start telling lies,
deliberately mislead, feign ignorance or camouflage it with a problem.
The greater they try to avoid situations and tasks, the lesser will be
their development.