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Childhood - 8-Steps to Bond with Your Child

Recent trends in parenting in the West are showing a shift to new concept called Attachment Parenting.

Attachment Parenting is a philosophy in itself based on the practice of nurturing parenting practices that create strong emotional bonds. It is also known as secure attachment, between the infant and parents. This style of parenting encourages responsiveness to every child’s emotional needs, and develops trust in them that their emotional needs will be met. As a result, this strong attachment helps the child develop secure, empathic, peaceful, and enduring relationships through his / her life.

When considering any parenting advice we need to ask ourselves, “If I follow this parendint advice , will I he providing nurturing, guidance, and limits in a way that maintains a secure bond with my child?” only if we instinctively feel it does, should we really follow that parenting advice. Attachment Parenting challenges us as parents to treat our children with dignity, respect and kindness, and to model our behaviour with them in a manner we would like them to interact with others. 

The term ‘attachment parenting’ (AP) was coined by Dr. William Sears and his wife Maratha Sears. Sears outlines eight basic ideals or guidelines of attachment parenting:

 

Attachment Parenting isn’t “new”. It is in many ways a return to the instinctual behaviours of our ancestors. In the last 60 years, psychology and child development researchers have studied the behaviors of attachment parenting extensively. This body of knowledge offers strong support for the optimal development of children, through the Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting.

1. The Preparatory Phase: the preparation for deep attachment with the child begins much before the child is born. It involves an effort and desire to develop a strong loving bond with one’s partner, and child through taking childbirth and breastfeeding joyously, it requires the parents to prepare their mind, body and soul and be alert during your child’s birth and to keep outside interventions to the minimum. It encourages women to experience natural childbirth with minimal medicated interference.

2. Emotional Responsiveness: Understanding and responding to the child’s emotions and needs is the core of ‘attachment parenting’ (AP). By their appropriate emotional responses parents can lay the foundation for trust, empathy and trust in the children. When tile child cries it is his / her way of communicating a need or a stress. Love your child completely with all your heart. A child’s needs are his/ her wants. S/he’s not manipulating you by crying to get his needs met and in responding appropriately, parents need to follow their intuition. When children throw tantrums it represents the real emotions of a child and as such should be taken seriously, and a parent’s role lies in comforting the child rather than getting angry and punishing the child.

3. Breast feeding children: Breastfeeding, fulfills the child’s need for nutrition and physical contact and provides countless health benefits for mother and child. It intensifies the mother’s role as caregiver and develops deep emotional bonds, Attachment parenting encourages following the feeding cues of children, allowing them to eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full.

4. Using the Nurturing Touch: Touching fulfils the baby’s need for physical contact, affection security stimulation and movement. Parent, can hold their baby close to them by using a sling carrier. Skin to skin contact promotes optimal brain development in children. Carried babies cry less, are smarter (higher IQ) and develop strong bonds with their parents. Infant massage is a wonderful way to calm the child and a way to nurture touch and to develop their immunity.

5. Night time parenting: Be responsive to children at night-time. Babies have requirements during the day as well as night it could be hunger, loneliness, fear, or feeling hot or cold. Children rely on their parents to calm and regulate their intense emotions. Co-sleeping or the ‘family bed’ is the best and safest way to take care of a child’s needs at night. This allows a good night’s sleep to parents as well as children and helps in establishing good breastfeeding habits. This also helps regulate infants breathing, which reduces chances of SIDS. (Sudden infant death syndrome) Children who are left cry at night will suffer from failure to thrive and or infant shut down.

6. Providing consistent loving care: Young children (infant to four year old) need constant care and the physical presence of a loving parent. Long or frequent separation causes tremendous stress and grief in small children, which can in the long-term affect their attachment to parents. Consistent care is necessary for strong attachments to form. If the parent is not able to be with the child always then the services of an alternate caregiver who has formed a bond with the child and who cares for the child in a way that strengthens attachment should be used.

7. Using Positive Discipline: Discipline is necessary to regulate life in a proper order. Teach your child values such as empathy, trust and self-guidance. A loving, supportive parent instills trust in a child; it is then easier to teach such children. Discipline involves giving children the tools to succeed in life. It gives parents the freedom to continue doing whatever they have to do to like living with their children. Discipline is based on building the right relationship with children more than using the right techniques. A disciplined life ensures a child develops the inner controls that last the whole lifetime.

8. Maintaining a balance in Personal and Family life: parents can feel more connected and emotionally responsive to children when their own lives are more balanced. This can be achieved only through creating a support network, setting realistic personal and professional goals and putting people before things. It also means parents have to recognize each individual’s needs within the family and meeting them to the highest extent possible without compromising on their own physical and mental health.Attachment parenting means being creative, having fun while bringing up children and taking time out for parents to take care of themselves. It is born out of the innate desire to create happy babies and if followed  in its spirit as  intended it can create lasting happiness for both parents and children.