Childhood Comparision Is Worst Enemy

Parenting - Childhood - Comparison is the Worst Enemy

Invariably parents compare the child to another child. Every child feels hurt whenever such comparison happens. A parent’s intention in doing so is to encourage the child. However, it has just the opposite effect. Despite children opposing such comparison, parents do not stop being unreasonable. What is happening here? When we compare someone with our child, we tend to elevate the importance of another child and belittle our child. Another problem occurs because we compare the child only when we think it has done something wrong or is not up to our expectations. We rarely compare when our child does better than someone else. The third problem is due to the comparison of different children at different times. For instance, we compare the neighbor’s child for marks, a relative’s child in sports and a classmate for being obedient, and so on. If comparison happens where equality is maintained, children do not get hurt.

Sharing responsibility

Parents should help children by handing over responsibility to children. In my practice I have seen thousands of parents taking absolute responsibility of their children so that no single instance is available for the children to take initiative. Consider the instances where parents wake their children up every morning, coerce them to take bath, supervise their getting ready, drop and pick up their children to and from school, order them to take off their uniform and shoes, tell them to do their homework scold them to study and force them to go to sleep. All the above instances are simple tasks for which the children should take responsibility. When they do these at the instruction of their parents they lose interest and become careless. So, in addition to doing their own tasks, parents should encourage children to take on other responsibilities at home so that they develop a sense of belongingness and self-worth.

Encourage co-operation

Cooperation and competition are the two most important social motives that are essential for the growth of social intelligence. However, children rarely have opportunities to learn them. When a child comes borne after quarrelling with a neighbor’s child, what do parents do? Usually, they tell their child to keep away from the other child or justify the child’s action. I have seen very few parents explaining to their children that quarrelling is not necessary. Differences of opinion need not read to quarrel. No task can be achieved if co-operation is not learnt.

Develope thinking

Humans are called thinking animals basically because of the development of association cortex in the brain. The more we engage in various types of thinking, the greater there is an opportunity for us to develop them. Children should be encouraged to engage in rational thinking, critical thinking, logical thinking, evaluative thinking, creative thinking, intuitive thinking and divergent thinking. Both teachers and parents should find ways to improve these thinking processes so that the child is able to use them for problem solving.

Sorting out priorities

Each parent’s priority differs. Unless all the member of the family sit together and discuss rat each persons priority, there is a tendency for the family to disintegrate. Rift within the family occurs mainly because priorities are not communicated. What is important and urgent for one need not be so for another. This is one of the major reasons for argument whenever all the family members converge.

Holistic development

The holistic development does not mean going to school, attending tuitions, doing homework, participating in co-curricular and extra-curricular activities and being obedient. It involves over 70 major areas, which will help the child in building its future and reading a meaningful life. Some of the major categories where parents should keep an eye on are study involvement, cognitive abilities, intellectual capacity, personality development, need fulfillment, emotional balance, communication skills, social maturity and moral development.

Do not solve tomorrow’s problem today

Most of us try to fix the child future today! How many times have you heard a father saying that he wants his child to become an engineer? How many times have you seen a mother sitting with the child’s homework and class work and drilling information into the child? We expect a primary school child to get a rank! We think that the world is going to end if the child fails in any class or scores less in any subject. We have to understand that each child has its own pace of doing its work, discovering the adult ways and dealing with its problems.

Ignore mistakes

Finally, a three pronged approach is necessary to help the child develop into a matured adult. We should encourage every effort put by the child, however small or big the effort is. We must ignore all errors and mistakes committed by the child. Ignoring is the most difficult thing for a parent to do. We often punish the child for errors and consequently, errors increase. I often keep saying that children watch more television in those houses where parents tell them not to watch TV. The more you tell a child not to play, the more it interested in playing. Errors are part of the learning process. No learning is possible without making mistakes and when we punish the child for making mistakes, we stop the child from learning. Lastly, punishment should be reserved for exigencies where the child does something bad or wrong, which is rare.

 

A child’s happiness is not under the parent’s control. To enable the child to move towards a happy life by showing the right direction, becoming a model and trusting the child s capability are the only means to successful parenting.