Parenting-Be a Model For Your Child
Children always learn from what they see and not what they are told. It we want the child to become a good citizen, and then we should show it by our deeds. Parents often quarrel and argue in front of the child. Every argument ends up with each parent’s that he or she is right. The child gets hurt in the process and learns to have it his or her way all the time. The more the child is not able to empathize with others, the greater is its lack of adjustment.
What every child wants from its parents is love
In reality there are no parents who do not love their children. However, unfortunately, children get a different message from their parents mainly because most people do not know what love is. In my earlier article on “Making Relationships Work’, I had mentioned that we mistake manipulation, control and pretend to represent healthy relationship. Love is signified by showing unconditional positive regard to a person but the more we love someone the greater are our conditions and expectations. Each time we communicate to the children what our expectations are about them, the more they feel that they are not being loved.
Most parents reject the child rather than the deed
When you reject your child, he or she in turn will reject you. We are concerned about making our children perfect. This concern is so much that we undermine the child’s performance or achievement. We tend to criticize the child rather than what the child has actually done. A constant practice of trying to communicate the acceptance of the child but pointing only the mistake will yield beneficial results.
Learn to be happy
Rather than telling the child to be happy and contented, we should first learn to be happy. The child learns from observing us. The more we are dissatisfied, the greater is the child’s dissatisfaction. We tend to become frustrated about things
around us but tell the children to mind their own business. Instead, show them what happiness is all about.
You do not pull a plant make it grow
A child should be cared the same way we take care of a plant. We can’t tell the plant to grow in the direction we want and to the height we want. If we keep pulling the plant, it rarely can grow. Our job is to provide the plant with water, sunlight, manure and whatever else it needs and wait for it to grow. In addition, we should not provide these in excess, too. Similarly, children need a healthy arid nourishing environment to grow. In our hurry to plan for their success, we forget that we are dealing with dynamic individuals who have a mind of their own.
Nature and Nurture
Limitations to ones growth are set by not only ones heredity but also by the environment. Before setting goals to the children we should evaluate how much they are capable of. All those who can run will not possibly participate in Olympics. Getting marks in the examination and scoring high are not the only achievements in life. However, parents are contended when children do well in academics. They rarely look for providing variety of inputs to the child so that he or she becomes successful person with their innate potential and talent.
What you take out is proportional to what you put in
Enrichment in inputs is the only answer to a child’s moral, social, intellectual and emotional development. Consider the following situation. A parent finds the best engineering college in the city and admits his son to study the course. He spends a lot of money to get admission Expenses mount every month for the hostel fees, clothes, books, and other things. After a year he finds out that his only son has become a drug addict and is unwilling to pursue studies. What went wrong? Not even once did the parent ask his son whether he wanted to study engineering. The more money the father spent the more was the son’s hatred towards his father as the only communication that existed between the father and son was about how much the education is costing. Parents should invest money rather than spend money for educating their children.
Unrealistic expectations kill development
Expectations should be realistic, achievable and concrete. Once children decide that they cannot keep up to the expectations of parents, they start avoiding the situation or task. To justify their avoidance, they may start telling lies, deliberately mislead, feign ignorance or camouflage it with a problem. The greater they try to avoid situations and tasks, the lesser will be their development.